Gui-Zhen Philo-Cultural Society :: View topic - Maintaining relationships while cultivating

Posted: Mon Feb 25, 2008 12:14 am

You and I briefly touched upon this Lin, but I find it very difficult to maintain a balance between cultivation and family. As an example, at the start of January I figured I would abstain from sex until after the cultivation retreat. I thought my wife would be fine with it, since woman tend to act like they don't need it. At first she didn't seem to really care, but as time wore on she began to resent me for it. I guess I didn't really go about it the right way. I thought she wouldn't understand so I neglected to discuss it with her before hand and get her input. Anyhow, things kinda blew up the other night and she had a lot of resentment about the time and effort I have been putting into tai chi and meditation etc... It's even harder with young children, because in the day we focus most of our attention on them instead of on each other.

So how do you balance these things out? There are only so many hours in a day. Is the trick making sure your signifigant other also cultivates? Maybe there really is no trick, but I usually feel like I am either neglecting her or I neglecting my cultivation.

Posted: Mon Feb 25, 2008 5:08 am

Being with someone who cultivates makes the process easier. Being that your wife doesn't and probably sees no reason for you to, causes lots of conflicted interests.

Here's the method:

Your refraining from sex practice obviously is causing a problem with your wife. Do not worry if you have sex with her, just don't ejaculate. Slow your movements, and control your breathing. That cultivation will take you farther. She can orgasm all she wants, but its best , if she cultivated, for her to also regulate her orgasms.

Wake up early every morning and set an hour for your practices. Be patient with cultivating, and consider the needs of maintaining a family life.
That is first and foremost. If you have already made the choice to be married, then discuss with your wife the importance of cultivation in your life.

Cultivate patience with what you are looking for. Do not be greedy to practice, but make a time for yourself everyday which does not interfere with everyone else's schedule concerning your time with them. There is more to it, but the most important thing is to not be greedy for cultivation when you don't have the conditions to indulge in the cultivation you have your mind on.

Simply regard the needs of your wife, and yourself. Work a time where you are free to practice what you wish aside from spending time with the family. Begin changing your views about what the sensations from having sex arise from so as to control the desire without suppressing it and making it stronger.

Then as you begin to realize the origin of your views of sexual sensations, you can go and have sex, and not have an orgasm.

Peace,
Lin

Posted: Mon Feb 25, 2008 6:12 pm

kunlun seems to do a good job of utilizing sexual energy. maybe give it a shot after some good non ejaculatory sex Cool

Posted: Mon Feb 25, 2008 9:12 pm

jingxinyuan wrote:

Being with someone who cultivates makes the process easier. Being that your wife doesn't and probably sees no reason for you to, causes lots of conflicted interests.

Here's the method:

Your refraining from sex practice obviously is causing a problem with your wife. Do not worry if you have sex with her, just don't ejaculate. Slow your movements, and control your breathing. That cultivation will take you farther. She can orgasm all she wants, but its best , if she cultivated, for her to also regulate her orgasms.

Wake up early every morning and set an hour for your practices. Be patient with cultivating, and consider the needs of maintaining a family life.
That is first and foremost. If you have already made the choice to be married, then discuss with your wife the importance of cultivation in your life.

Cultivate patience with what you are looking for. Do not be greedy to practice, but make a time for yourself everyday which does not interfere with everyone else's schedule concerning your time with them. There is more to it, but the most important thing is to not be greedy for cultivation when you don't have the conditions to indulge in the cultivation you have your mind on.

Simply regard the needs of your wife, and yourself. Work a time where you are free to practice what you wish aside from spending time with the family. Begin changing your views about what the sensations from having sex arise from so as to control the desire without suppressing it and making it stronger.

Then as you begin to realize the origin of your views of sexual sensations, you can go and have sex, and not have an orgasm.

Peace,
Lin

From a woman's perspective on this...I would suggest that you also communicate that you are not ejaculating nor having an orgasm if that is your motive. I will tell you that especially from her perspective of not cultivating it is important to make that clear.
Women normally are taught not to be very expressive with their needs sexually, so it is important to let her know what you are planning on doing.
Just my humble opinion, but I felt that I should add one woman's perspecitve to this...

Posted: Mon Feb 25, 2008 9:37 pm

Ofcourse be very clear when taking "ünusual" actions during sex..lol

Communication is very important. Not being greedy for cultivation is very important as well. If you don't have conditions to do things freely, then do things freely in another manner.

Simply make your own schedule, earlier, and then you'll have time for the family. Don't single them out thinking they will not understand. Think of practical ways to describe things to them in a manner they can comprehend, and PATIENCE PATIENCE PATIENCE.

It took my father 19 yrs to finally listen to the teachings I have been working on. 19yrs... Patience brother.

Peace,
Lin

Posted: Tue Feb 26, 2008 2:57 am

So, here is my foolish question regarding sexual practices. (Please remember to have patience as I am only just beginning).
Are there particular things a woman is supposed to be doing sexually? I have only really heard of men's practices.

Posted: Tue Feb 26, 2008 8:50 am

A woman can inhale from the inside of her vagina, up the spine, around the head and into the naval, which would go to the dantian. Do this all on the inhale, and exhale only once you brought the visualization to the dantian (naval). I only say naval, because it is easier to get to, and will move to the dantian. Why? because that is where the umbilicus cord once was, not anywhere else. It is the center where all things go to while in the womb.

Another thing to do, one of the many, is to inhale directly from the vagina to your kidneys. Inhale from the vagina, and let it come up the spine to the center between the kidneys.

You can do the same inhaling from the vagina and just fill the whole entire abdomen.

Or, inhale from the crown down to the dantian without any focus of circulating the Micro Cosmic Orbit "MCO". Just drop straight down to the naval.

Another is to always keep the mouth connected with the man. Stay kissing, slowly, while inhaling visually, from the man's p*n*s, up his spine, to his mouth down to your naval, around your genitals, into the vagina, up the spine, over the head, and back into the man's mouth down his spine, following the "MCO", and continuing this kind of circulation.

Do Not Have An ORGASM. NO NO NO. Don't waste it. Both of you. When stopping, just inhale relaxingly into the abdomen, bring your attention to the naval, and simply relax into stopping.

There are many more methods, but these few should be fun.

Peace and Enjoy !!! hahaha

Posted: Tue Feb 26, 2008 9:28 pm

jingxinyuan wrote:

A woman can inhale from the inside of her vagina, up the spine, around the head and into the naval, which would go to the dantian. Do this all on the inhale, and exhale only once you brought the visualization to the dantian (naval). I only say naval, because it is easier to get to, and will move to the dantian. Why? because that is where the umbilicus cord once was, not anywhere else. It is the center where all things go to while in the womb.

Another thing to do, one of the many, is to inhale directly from the vagina to your kidneys. Inhale from the vagina, and let it come up the spine to the center between the kidneys.

You can do the same inhaling from the vagina and just fill the whole entire abdomen.

Or, inhale from the crown down to the dantian without any focus of circulating the Micro Cosmic Orbit "MCO". Just drop straight down to the naval.

Another is to always keep the mouth connected with the man. Stay kissing, slowly, while inhaling visually, from the man's p*n*s, up his spine, to his mouth down to your naval, around your genitals, into the vagina, up the spine, over the head, and back into the man's mouth down his spine, following the "MCO", and continuing this kind of circulation.

Do Not Have An ORGASM. NO NO NO. Don't waste it. Both of you. When stopping, just inhale relaxingly into the abdomen, bring your attention to the naval, and simply relax into stopping.

There are many more methods, but these few should be fun.

Peace and Enjoy !!! hahaha

Err..yeah..so I will enjoy umm nothing at this time since I am single anyway LMAO

But thank you for the info though..for when I decide to try these techniques Smile

Posted: Tue Feb 26, 2008 10:13 pm

haha Okay Okay... I get the point Very Happy

Since its you alone;

Inhale the same way as the "dual" cultivation, but this time while sitting in meditation. The breathing begins from the perineum and follows everything else I explained before.

There are many variations with different outcomes, but its good with those explained. ^_^

Posted: Wed Feb 27, 2008 1:11 am

jingxinyuan wrote:

A woman can inhale from the inside of her vagina, up the spine, around the head and into the naval, which would go to the dantian. Do this all on the inhale, and exhale only once you brought the visualization to the dantian (naval). I only say naval, because it is easier to get to, and will move to the dantian. Why? because that is where the umbilicus cord once was, not anywhere else. It is the center where all things go to while in the womb.

Another thing to do, one of the many, is to inhale directly from the vagina to your kidneys. Inhale from the vagina, and let it come up the spine to the center between the kidneys.

You can do the same inhaling from the vagina and just fill the whole entire abdomen.

Or, inhale from the crown down to the dantian without any focus of circulating the Micro Cosmic Orbit "MCO". Just drop straight down to the naval.

Another is to always keep the mouth connected with the man. Stay kissing, slowly, while inhaling visually, from the man's p*n*s, up his spine, to his mouth down to your naval, around your genitals, into the vagina, up the spine, over the head, and back into the man's mouth down his spine, following the "MCO", and continuing this kind of circulation.

Do Not Have An ORGASM. NO NO NO. Don't waste it. Both of you. When stopping, just inhale relaxingly into the abdomen, bring your attention to the naval, and simply relax into stopping.

There are many more methods, but these few should be fun.

Peace and Enjoy !!! hahaha

Lin would these methods not steal/absorb the male's yang chi? Especially if the male is not cultivating? Also I thought it made no difference if women reached orgasm while cultivating?

As for me, I can resist the desire to have sex now without any issue, however I find it very difficult to not orgasm during intercourse. For some reason which I don't understand, as soon as she climaxes I seem to as well. What are your thoughts on using the chi lock technique?

joeblast wrote:

kunlun seems to do a good job of utilizing sexual energy. maybe give it a shot after some good non ejaculatory sex Cool

Agree with you about it circulating the sexual energy, however the non ejaculatory sex is the tricky part haha.

Lian Hua wrote:

So, here is my foolish question regarding sexual practices. (Please remember to have patience as I am only just beginning).
Are there particular things a woman is supposed to be doing sexually? I have only really heard of men's practices.

Yes, whatever the man wants Razz

. Kidding of course, thanks for the female perspective.

Posted: Wed Feb 27, 2008 1:15 am

jingxinyuan wrote:

haha Okay Okay... I get the point Very Happy

Since its you alone;

Inhale the same way as the "dual" cultivation, but this time while sitting in meditation. The breathing begins from the perineum and follows everything else I explained before.

There are many variations with different outcomes, but its good with those explained. ^_^

Poor me! LOL Just joking hee hee

I will try the breathing though. Thank you Smile

Posted: Wed Feb 27, 2008 1:49 am

Lin would these methods not steal/absorb the male's yang chi? Especially if the male is not cultivating? Also I thought it made no difference if women reached orgasm while cultivating?

As for me, I can resist the desire to have sex now without any issue, however I find it very difficult to not orgasm during intercourse. For some reason which I don't understand, as soon as she climaxes I seem to as well. What are your thoughts on using the chi lock technique?

Not at all, because you are not draining the man, you are re-circulating it throughout his body as well as yours...it is a replenishing/revitalizing practice.
This is why having an orgasm will drain it all. If you observe the woman's eyes after reaching an orgasm many times, don't they look tired? They begin to develop dark circles under the eyes, the skin gets drier and drier day by day, lower back aches, head aches, hunger, frustration, short temper, etc...

The fluids used during sex to lubricate the vagina increase during the build up towards orgasm, then after the orgasm the fluids begin to decrease. If there is constant sex after the orgasm, more fluid will come out to lubricate thus draining the YIN Qi of the kidneys, as well as the Yang Qi in producing the fluids and pushing it out to the vagina.
There is a loss of energy either way you put it. With the revitalizing/replenishing exercise of circulation through both male and female, the body, though creating fluids, is nourishing the kidneys with more energy. Its a good thing.

If the man doesn't practice, he will just feel more excited, and want to have an orgasm faster..lol

Using the locking of the perineum during sex is good to build up Qi and increase/power up the circulation of Qi through the both of you. But, it will also make the wanting to ejaculate unbearable, so don't hold it intensely throughout the intercourse. Fluctuate holding it less at times and more at times to your discretion.

Wanting to reach orgasm after she does is because she just got charged from the orgasm and its building you up highly as well. But any more orgasm for her and she will begin draining more than she has.

Posted: Wed Feb 27, 2008 1:54 am

I will try the breathing though. Thank you Smile

No problem. Try it out, and see how you feel.

Peace and Blessings,
Lin

Posted: Wed Feb 27, 2008 4:20 am

Oolong Rabbit wrote:

You and I briefly touched upon this Lin, but I find it very difficult to maintain a balance between cultivation and family. As an example, at the start of January I figured I would abstain from sex until after the cultivation retreat. I thought my wife would be fine with it, since woman tend to act like they don't need it. At first she didn't seem to really care, but as time wore on she began to resent me for it. I guess I didn't really go about it the right way. I thought she wouldn't understand so I neglected to discuss it with her before hand and get her input. Anyhow, things kinda blew up the other night and she had a lot of resentment about the time and effort I have been putting into tai chi and meditation etc... It's even harder with young children, because in the day we focus most of our attention on them instead of on each other.

So how do you balance these things out? There are only so many hours in a day. Is the trick making sure your signifigant other also cultivates? Maybe there really is no trick, but I usually feel like I am either neglecting her or I neglecting my cultivation.

That you seek balance is good, and others here have replied with wise advice, I think. I would only suggest not having such a definite line between what is considered "time for cultivation," and what is not. I offer a quote, upon which we may all reflect:

"Anything can be the path, even a demon. Anything can be a demon, even the path."

Peace,

Obi Wan

Posted: Wed Feb 27, 2008 9:02 am

Excellent!