 | thegirlsclub
This is a forum for women fighters in the SCA and similar clubs. Mentors, supporters, etc. too.
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Isabella E
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Joined: 01 Apr 2007
Posts: 1789
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Location: Shire of Windale, Atenveldt
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 Posted: Sat Jul 09, 2011 6:53 am Post subject: |
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Sometimes there are real circumstances that make it hard to fight. After I sold all my gear I think it took me two years to put my kit back together?
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It's not the most powerful animal that survives. It's the most efficient. -Georges St-Pierre
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Wu Yun
Club Member
Joined: 22 Jun 2011
Posts: 67
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Location: Nant-y-Derwyddon, Meridies (Tri-Cities, TN/VA)
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| Posted: Sat Jul 09, 2011 4:01 pm Post subject: |
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| ChloetheEvenhardt wrote: | I'm one of those girls. I want to fight but I haven't bought armor (I just can't afford to until I have a job again). I have a shield that needs to be padded and strapped, a sword that needs to be finished. Trying not to make excuses, but I'm to afraid to tell the people at my practice that I'm unemployed and can barely make it to the practices without killing my bank account. I don't want them seeing it as me looking for sympathy. For now, it's loaner armor and going through slow work/pell work until I can get enough money together to fill in the spots that they can't help me armor with the loaner gear.
It could be a pride thing. Maybe. I'm proud. Writing this I contemplated deleting it several times.
I posted it because it could be the case for one of those girls. |
I'm sorry to hear this. Unemployment is really hurting our game as a whole right now.
But don't think that mentioning it at practice is you looking for sympathy. You'd be surprised who will come out of the woodwork to help you get armored (will it be pretty? probably not, I don't know anyone whose first kit was pretty. I've been through four permutations of my armor and I still look like newbtoast.) But to get you on the field? All sorts of people will help you out.
And it's not sympathy. It's people wanting to help people join the game. Best to go talk to your group's marshall first and explain the situation. Got a metalworker in your group? Trade grunt labor for your helmet. That's what my husband does. If you're new and promise to come over and help work on it, he'll make you a helmet for the cost of the mild. Again, not pretty. But it will get you authorized. |
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maxntropy
Club Member
Joined: 29 Jun 2008
Posts: 103
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| Posted: Sat Jul 09, 2011 11:32 pm Post subject: |
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| ChloetheEvenhardt wrote: | I'm one of those girls. I want to fight but I haven't bought armor (I just can't afford to until I have a job again). I have a shield that needs to be padded and strapped, a sword that needs to be finished. Trying not to make excuses, but I'm to afraid to tell the people at my practice that I'm unemployed and can barely make it to the practices without killing my bank account. I don't want them seeing it as me looking for sympathy. For now, it's loaner armor and going through slow work/pell work until I can get enough money together to fill in the spots that they can't help me armor with the loaner gear.
It could be a pride thing. Maybe. I'm proud. Writing this I contemplated deleting it several times.
I posted it because it could be the case for one of those girls. |
Absolutely everybody who has had any modicum of success or longevity in our game has done so because of the significant assistance they have been given -- either logistically (trips to/from stuff), financially (be it gifts of garb, armour, loans, site fees), training and education (in fighting, armouring, appropriate behavior), etc...
Allowing somebody to pay forward that debt by letting those who have already benefited from others' do what they can to benefit you is not taking charity at all -- in fact, it is giving *those* people a gift, by allowing them to pay forward a debt they owe from those who have given to them.
It is absolutely right, proper, and just for newer participants to allow others to help them learn and participate. For those of us who have been doing this for some time, it is actually our right and our duty (and in truth, often a joy) to help others. Generosity is a Chivalric virtue. Would you suggest it appropriate for all newcomers to deny us an opportunity to express that Chivalric virtue by being generous with what we know and what we have? If not, then it is not appropriate for you to deny someone the opportunity to help you.
That said... this really isn't a game for shrinking violets -- if you want or need something, you'd best let folks know. Most folks don't excel in subtlety or telepathy -- and many don't believe folks deserve help if they're not even willing to ask for it.
So do the right thing. Allow folks to pay forward their debt and help you -- if you ask, I assure you that you'll find those of worth will be more than generous. Allow yourself to be helped and progress in this amazing game. But don't be shy, and don't just expect folks to figure out what you want or need. Fighting is a game in which aggression is a pre-requisite. Be a little aggressive. Find folks you want to hang with and learn from and ask them!
Just my $.02.
Max Von Halstern |
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ChloetheEvenhardt
New Club Member
Joined: 02 Jul 2011
Posts: 25
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Location: Barony of Glymm Mere, Kingdom of An Tir
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| Posted: Tue Jul 12, 2011 8:27 am Post subject: |
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I had never meant it to be a denial of Chivalry... I thought it wasn't very Chivalric to seem needy. I saw it as needy, not as denying someone. Thank you for the perspective. It's not that I refuse help, it's that I don't want people to know that I *need* it. Two and a half years ago, my husband of nearly 10 years died. I realized how much I needed to be capable of being independent. I never intended for it to become as it has. I'm still suffering the backlash of his death, on a financial scale. I appreciate the encouraging words from you all, and again, I meant not to deny Chivalry. I will make sure that at least a few other people in my Barony know of my financial issues and my strong desire to fight. Perhaps it will help.
Thank you. |
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maxntropy
Club Member
Joined: 29 Jun 2008
Posts: 103
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| Posted: Tue Jul 12, 2011 3:15 pm Post subject: |
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| ChloetheEvenhardt wrote: | I had never meant it to be a denial of Chivalry... I thought it wasn't very Chivalric to seem needy. I saw it as needy, not as denying someone. Thank you for the perspective. It's not that I refuse help, it's that I don't want people to know that I *need* it. Two and a half years ago, my husband of nearly 10 years died. I realized how much I needed to be capable of being independent. I never intended for it to become as it has. I'm still suffering the backlash of his death, on a financial scale. I appreciate the encouraging words from you all, and again, I meant not to deny Chivalry. I will make sure that at least a few other people in my Barony know of my financial issues and my strong desire to fight. Perhaps it will help.
Thank you. |
Chloe:
In recent years we had a wonderful lady who had been married for many decades who recently had lost her husband start coming around practice. We began teaching her the basic mechanics. We then began teaching her fighting basics. We then helped her get herself armoured up. We then helped her get herself authorized. We then encouraged her to get to Pennsic and fight with the Unit. We then encouraged her to stick it out through each and all the battles. Not only did she stick it out through a particularly grueling multi-hour woods battle (in a rain storm) and fight with honor and prowess -- but she then had the heart to fight through a SECOND "friendship" woods battle that our King had asked us to fight against another Kingdom. What she learned about her own character that week was deep, indelible, and invaluable -- and quite literally helped her redefine herself and get her life on a new track.
It's why I often call fighting (at least if you do it the right way) one of the best "character revealing" activities of which I'm aware (outside joining something like the Military). It's less about "building" character than gradually revealing the true character of your heart (much like a sculptor chips away the pieces of marble to reveal the true image within the marble).
She's stated that "I always joke that you had a widow rehab program. You helped me so much during those first two years." -- I actually believe we (for it was truly a group effort) simply helped her to help herself and that she'd've likely gotten there on her own (though obviously through a different path and possibly in a longer timeframe).
But she reached out her hand. Asked for help when needed. Was open and honest about who and where she was and what was going on.
I'll be happy to PM you some contact information for her, if you think that might help!
None of us do this on our own, and we're all in this together.
Let me know if and how I might be able to help!
Max Von Halstern |
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