 | thegirlsclub
This is a forum for women fighters in the SCA and similar clubs. Mentors, supporters, etc. too.
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JanxAngel
New Club Member
Joined: 23 Oct 2008
Posts: 41
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Location: Sea March, Trimaris
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 Posted: Wed Jun 17, 2009 8:24 pm Post subject: |
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| Cunian wrote: | | JanxAngel wrote: |
I still feel so slow, weak, and generally bad at fighting that I worry no one will think I'm worth their time. Or worse not think that I have a chance at getting better. I'm working on getting into better fighting shape, but it's slow going. Until then, everyone I practice heavy with can pretty much take me out at will... |
I think this is pretty common. But (1) a lot of people practice SCA fighting for years, like decades, without a whole lot of recognition or anything. And even if they never make the breakthroughs to be able to take out the big guns, they can make beginners feel hopeless pretty easily. So ask your practice mates how long they've been fighting, and maybe you'll feel better. (2) For those who are also fairly new but progressing faster, you just have to think tortoise and hare. A lot of people, even those who do phenomenally well, just quit/take breaks/won't work on their weaknesses. So vow to be a successful tortoise. (3) Sometimes it is hard to see progress since you are usually fighting with the same guys and they're progressing too. Sometimes getting to a different practice or farther event can be illuminating. |
All the guys I practice with are squires (or squire level) & knights. It's a small group. If we have 6 people show for heavy it's a good week.
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Umimoto Tsukime
Onna-Bugeisha: A Long Road. |
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Adeliz
Club Member
Joined: 23 Mar 2009
Posts: 52
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| Posted: Wed Jun 17, 2009 8:31 pm Post subject: |
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| JanxAngel wrote: | | All the guys I practice with are squires (or squire level) & knights. It's a small group. If we have 6 people show for heavy it's a good week. |
Ditto. And the only Knight who shows up regularly is my b/f. Other than him, we're lucky when we get more than 2 other fighters. Godsend if we get more than 4 other fighters. |
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rohesia
New Club Member
Joined: 04 Dec 2008
Posts: 29
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Location: Augusta, GA
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| Posted: Thu Jun 18, 2009 1:53 am Post subject: |
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[/quote]All the guys I practice with are squires (or squire level) & knights. It's a small group. If we have 6 people show for heavy it's a good week.[/quote]
That's really good for your area... trust me. I used to be down South but on the West side of FL in Fort Myers. There was only Duke Odo until I drove an hour+ to LaBelle. Which some of those fighters I am sure you have crossed swords with already. Speaking of which if you see Brion MacGilroy (squired to Duke Mittion) give him a few good whacks and tell him Rohesia says hi! LOL You are training with a good bunch 
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~Rohesia @-,-'--
Shire Border Vale Keep
Kingdom of Atlantia |
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Cunian
Site Admin
Joined: 03 Apr 2007
Posts: 1720
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Location: Atlantia exurb
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| Posted: Thu Jun 18, 2009 2:24 am Post subject: |
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| So...see. It makes sense they can take you out easily at this point. No one expects anything else - except you. If you get to an event that pulls from a bigger area, you may find you have some success. |
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JanxAngel
New Club Member
Joined: 23 Oct 2008
Posts: 41
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Location: Sea March, Trimaris
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| Posted: Thu Jun 18, 2009 7:47 pm Post subject: |
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| rohesia wrote: |
That's really good for your area... trust me. I used to be down South but on the West side of FL in Fort Myers. There was only Duke Odo until I drove an hour+ to LaBelle. Which some of those fighters I am sure you have crossed swords with already. Speaking of which if you see Brion MacGilroy (squired to Duke Mittion) give him a few good whacks and tell him Rohesia says hi! LOL You are training with a good bunch |
I actually see Brion every week when I go to Duke Mittion's house for pell practice on Tues, & sometimes in the park on Sun. Myself, Duke Mittion and his now newest squire William all rode out to the LaBelle practice a couple months ago too. That was fun. I will pass on the message next time I see him.
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Umimoto Tsukime
Onna-Bugeisha: A Long Road. |
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Adriano
New Club Member
Joined: 19 Jun 2009
Posts: 12
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Location: Atlanta, Georgia
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| Posted: Fri Jun 19, 2009 10:54 pm Post subject: |
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I'm a large middle-aged male, and even after a quarter century of fighting, I still find myself shy about asking. I've been a wallflower sometimes at practices because of it.
Sometimes you really do have to just force your way through it. I think Audax made excellent suggestions. |
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Slaine
Senior Club Member
Joined: 10 Apr 2007
Posts: 413
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Location: Calontir
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| Posted: Sun Jun 21, 2009 4:19 am Post subject: |
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I'm rather amused that right now there is an ad from a Geek 2 Geek dating site on this page.
Remember SCA has lots of people with communication issues. A huge fraking pile of us are introverts. It's okay.
Do people in your area do bear pits at practices? That's where you line up and the winner hold the field until they lose. It can get tedious with only a handful of people but I like these since everyone has to accept whoever is next in line. I also like watching the fights while waiting my turn.
When I used to get shy about dating my mom would say "you don't have to marry him." Think of a fight as "just coffee" and thus so brief you're hardly wasting anyone's time. |
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maxntropy
Club Member
Joined: 29 Jun 2008
Posts: 103
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| Posted: Mon Jun 22, 2009 1:56 am Post subject: |
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| audax wrote: | | The most important aspect is the development of character under great stress and the scrutiny of others. If you do not follow through with this, you will regret it. |
While I agree with Audax that fighting, like all Martial Arts, helps develop and build character -- I think that it is also, as she explains, and more importantly, a character *revealing* activity by providing us numerous ongoing opportunities to test ourselves in the Crucible of Chivalry.
Like the broader SCA, fighting allows us the opportunity to demonstrate and continuously work towards the type of person that we *want* to be -- do we want to be the type of person that tackles our fears and challenges, gathers-up our will and our spirit to make the leap of faith necessary to do that which we otherwise might avoid? Do we want to be the type of person that does the hard things, and pushes themselves forward, and pushes-out their comfort zone?
If so, then we must look within, ask the hard questions, and determine if we are truly willing to do the hard work, make the hard decisions, and take the hard actions -- for these are all actions, and require action.
Remember that there is nothing wrong with answering in the negative, and finding that "the stress and scrutiny of others" and the hard work and hardships of the martial path are not in your character -- or that you need to develop and build to that character (and are willing to work in that direction -- for you *can* develop positive character traits and change yourself for the better).
Fighters fight. They cannot be shy, because they cannot shirk -- from anything. Embarrassment is a form of fear, and Courage is a chivalric virtue -- so to be on the path of Chivalry, one must work to gird-up one's bravery by confronting (and thus minimizing) those fears. I believe honorable fighters challenge-up, intentionally and aggressively seeking-out and confronting those on the field whom are believed to be their betters as a chance both for personal progress and for glory and renown. I also believe wise fighters seek-out fighters of greater experience and renown (both on and off the field) and ask them to teach them, to observe their fighting, and to provide insights on ways they might improve their fighting.
I honestly and deeply understand and empathize with the difficulties that introverts have with such efforts (and there are all sorts've baby-step tricks like those discussed that can be taken to get there, such as asking known folks to introduce you, asking-for and setting-up training or fights before-hand by email or discussion lists, walking up to folks in a group to introduce yourself with generalities, etc...
But it is just such difficulties, and the overcoming of such fears that provide the opportunities for growth and the revelations of character upon which true self-esteem and pride can be built. |
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audax
Senior Club Member
Joined: 25 Apr 2007
Posts: 1316
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| Posted: Mon Jun 22, 2009 9:22 pm Post subject: |
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Max, you are such a treasure. I am glad you are here.
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Martel le Hardi
squire to Meser Lyonel Oliver Grace, fostered to Sir Gaston de Clermont
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The Minstrel's Champion |
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maxntropy
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Joined: 29 Jun 2008
Posts: 103
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| Posted: Mon Jun 22, 2009 10:42 pm Post subject: |
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| audax wrote: | | Max, you are such a treasure. I am glad you are here. |
Hmmnnn... deeply and truly appreciate the sentiment, and return it in true measure -- but if so, then perhaps, at best, I might be a buried and useful commodity, like coal.
As e'er, I'm extremely glad to be of some small service and hope that my experience, talents, and knowledge may eventually prove of some use to others.
Max Von Halstern |
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Brunja
New Club Member
Joined: 18 Jul 2009
Posts: 8
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Location: California
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| Posted: Fri Jul 24, 2009 1:40 am Post subject: Re: Getting over shyness |
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| Adeliz wrote: | Its obviously not fear of rejection, cuz I know that they won't say "No", and so far its not fear of getting hurt, cuz they are all still pretty gentle with me, but I just don't know what the deal is or how to fix it.
Maybe I'm coming at this from the wrong angle? Its not shy its something else? But I'm just at a loss. |
It might just be a fear of failure? Women get picked at for mistakes that might not be brought to the attention of a man if he did the same thing so I think that a lot of us are much more reluctant to try new things if there's even a slight chance that we'll get ridiculed. I think the saying "Go big or go home" applies here. If you mess up, whatever. At least you can legally hit the people who make you angry, right?
I myself am very, very shy. The leader of my group was trying to discourage me from fighting (I think he was just trying to get a clear conscience). He said he just didn't see the killer instinct in me. When he said that, I realized two things: 1 - That I needed to prove him wrong, and 2 - That he had never seen me play soccer with the guys at work. We need to get out of our comfort zone. Ha! Easy...no. But worth it.
Just don't worry about what other people think. The SCA should be a place that helps you with self confidence.
_________________
West AnTir War 2009 Slideshow
The foolish man thinks he will live forever if he keeps away from fighting but old age won't grant him a truce, even if the spears do. |
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Isabella E
Site Admin
Joined: 01 Apr 2007
Posts: 1789
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Location: Shire of Windale, Atenveldt
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| Posted: Fri Jul 24, 2009 1:49 am Post subject: |
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It's a good thing we're not trying to kill people.  I know a lot of great fighters who don't have 'killer instinct'. And I know some who do have that scary steely eyed death look in their eyes.
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It's not the most powerful animal that survives. It's the most efficient. -Georges St-Pierre
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Brunja
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Joined: 18 Jul 2009
Posts: 8
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Location: California
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| Posted: Fri Jul 24, 2009 1:53 am Post subject: |
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He was speaking figuratively, of course!  I intend to prove him wrong. He needs to get back from Seadog Nights and I need to get armored up!
_________________
West AnTir War 2009 Slideshow
The foolish man thinks he will live forever if he keeps away from fighting but old age won't grant him a truce, even if the spears do. |
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Hrolfr
New Club Member
Joined: 02 Jul 2009
Posts: 10
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| Posted: Sun Aug 09, 2009 3:12 pm Post subject: Re: Getting over shyness |
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| Brunja wrote: |
It might just be a fear of failure? Women get picked at for mistakes that might not be brought to the attention of a man if he did the same thing so I think that a lot of us are much more reluctant to try new things if there's even a slight chance that we'll get ridiculed. I think the saying "Go big or go home" applies here. If you mess up, whatever. At least you can legally hit the people who make you angry, right?
I myself am very, very shy. The leader of my group was trying to discourage me from fighting (I think he was just trying to get a clear conscience). He said he just didn't see the killer instinct in me. When he said that, I realized two things: 1 - That I needed to prove him wrong, and 2 - That he had never seen me play soccer with the guys at work. We need to get out of our comfort zone. Ha! Easy...no. But worth it.
Just don't worry about what other people think. The SCA should be a place that helps you with self confidence. |
Part of the belief that males and females are 'corrected' differently is that many male trainers don't understand the difference between the physical differences between males and female (fighting wise).
To use an analogy-
My brother is an excellent golfer and golfs right handed. I am mediocre at best and golf left handed, yet I can constistantly beat him when we golf, because his (mainly unasked for) advice gets in his own head.
I had a difficult time instructing females prior to reading the Armored Rose. I could not understand why my wife threw shots like she did.
After reading it, I was able to wrap my brain around it, and my understanding of this difference improved my ability to assist in trianing.
As for someone trying to diswaid you from fighting, it is one of a very few reasons-
1 they are GoB's
2 They are worried about not being as good as you
3 they had 'trained' a female in the past and it didn't work out as they had planned.
There was one group whom I fought with (a household) who actively discouraged female fighters, and would leave the field rather than knowingly fight one.
His problem was #1, he really sucked at fighting and was worried that he would get beaten regularly by 'a girl'.
With guys, he would just rhino.
Does this help? |
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Torvaldr
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Joined: 24 Jul 2009
Posts: 6
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Location: McKean, PA
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| Posted: Thu Sep 03, 2009 7:21 pm Post subject: |
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I read through the thread briefly, so if I am repeating something that someone else has said please excuse my error.
You mention that you do not have trouble with someone asking you to fight, but are too shy to ask them yourself. One way to resolve this is to put yourself in a position to be asked. What I mean by that is this. If you have a fairly open practice area go stake out a spot and stand there fully arms and ready to fight. And just stand there and look at the others. Believe me, some one will come over and ask you. If you look ready, and look challenging, you will get dance partners. I have done this any number of times and both practices and events where they allow pick up and challenge fights. Especially since I am in a new are where I don't know anyone and they do not know me. So if you see someone totally unknown standing in an open patch of fighting field just staring at you, what are you going to do? So be that staring brooding presence and you will draw all the partners you want without really saying anything.
Just one Danes opinion... |
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