thegirlsclub

Adeliz · Club Member Joined: 23 Mar 2009 Posts: 52 : Items

Ok... maybe its just a product of still being new and not quite knowing what I'm doing yet, but....

I'm shy. Really really shy. With people I don't know (obviously). When around people I do know, I'm very outgoing and gregarious, so there are a lot of people who don't believe me if I tell them I'm shy and tell me "ohh its nothing", but I think they just cant see it because we are already friends.

When it comes to fighting... I cant seem to get off the sidelines. I fight a lot with my b/f and his squire. If someone comes up to me I will agree to a few round, or my b/f will pull me over to someone to fight with. Even at local practices where I know everyone, I cant seem to bring myself to just go over to someone and say "Hey, wanna fight?"

Its obviously not fear of rejection, cuz I know that they won't say "No", and so far its not fear of getting hurt, cuz they are all still pretty gentle with me, but I just don't know what the deal is or how to fix it.

Maybe I'm coming at this from the wrong angle? Its not shy its something else? But I'm just at a loss.

rohesia · Posted: Tue Jun 16, 2009 2:35 pm Post subject:

I feel you EXACTLY.... I have/had the same problem. For me I found it better (a better target to eliminate) to call it a lack of self confidence. Embarassed

And it's something I work on everyday. For fighting, it is hard to get into armor yet alone do that AND go fight people you don't know. It just can be very awkward... So for you it may be a combination of both being new and not having enough confidence. I used to think it was shyness but, like you, I can be very outgoing with friends and those I know. Here is what I suggest. You have a goal right? And that is to fight, right? So how can you achieve your goal if you stay off on the sidelines? You KNOW you want to be out there but there is something holding you back. Lizard brain maybe? Confused

Now is the time to face that "obstacle" and beat it to the ground senseless. The first step is always the hardest.... but if you keep telling yourself, "I want this and I want to improve..." Start small and maybe walk over before a helmet on and introducing yourself and then ask to fight.... but whatever you do don't let yourself be stuck ... break out of the comfort zone of the sidelines and go for it.

"Courage is the ladder on which all the other virtues mount." ~Claire Booth Luce
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Shire Border Vale Keep
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Adeliz · Club Member Joined: 23 Mar 2009 Posts: 52 : Items

Adeliz · Club Member Joined: 23 Mar 2009 Posts: 52 : Items

Ahh, and here's another twist.

I feel like I'm taking them away from their own practice if I ask them to train with me, and in my head, my brain says "Well, thats rude, you should let them go have a good practice instead of holding them back to train you."

rohesia · Posted: Tue Jun 16, 2009 2:58 pm Post subject:

Isabella E · Posted: Tue Jun 16, 2009 3:56 pm Post subject:

Showing them at practice that you want to learn and are there to fight will prove to them that you're not one of those people that gets into armor and it just gonna quit. Practice is for practicing. Smile

And you'd be surprised how much it changes how you think about how you do something to teach another person. It's a good way for more experienced fighters to get to the next level of their game too because they have to delve into the mental aspects of the sport.
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It's not the most powerful animal that survives. It's the most efficient. -Georges St-Pierre
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Cunian · Posted: Tue Jun 16, 2009 6:08 pm Post subject:

I'm really shy but I decided my persona was not. So, often, in a fit of shyness I tell myself to buck up and just do it since it's not *me*, it's Cunian. It's a mind game, but it can give me the extra edge to 'make shy persons do what needs to be done.'

audax · Posted: Tue Jun 16, 2009 6:35 pm Post subject:

The only way out is through. There really is no other option. You have to put on your big girl panties and go do it. No one can do this for you.

The Warrior Way is to walk right through fear. Shyness is fear. Everyone feels fear; the Warrior walks through it.

Set a goal for yourself that you will ask five different people to fight at you next practice. FOLLOW THROUGH. It will change you for the better. You will grow and become a better person for it. Do this every practice for the next six months.

Martial arts are not just about learning to kick ass. The most important aspect is the development of character under great stress and the scrutiny of others. If you do not follow through with this, you will regret it.
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Martel le Hardi
squire to Meser Lyonel Oliver Grace, fostered to Sir Gaston de Clermont
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The Minstrel's Champion

freiman the minstrel · Posted: Tue Jun 16, 2009 9:43 pm Post subject:

All I can add is to do it.

You have every right to be a fighter. You have as much right as anybody else.

You really can do it. Lazy and stupid people have done it, and I imagine that you are neither.

If you were, you would not be here trying to solve the problem.

But the only real utility of the game is to conquer the personal roadblocks we have. For me, it is persistence. For you, it is shyness. The good news is that you have all the headwork done, and now you have only the final portion, the actual defeating your shyness, to finish.

The bad news is that the battle will never be over.

Conquer it once, and you will be stronger against it. Each time you win, you get stronger.

The first step is a doozie.

You can do it.

f
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Surf less, fight more

Jesmond · Posted: Wed Jun 17, 2009 12:13 am Post subject:

Don't worry about not being able to offer your opponents a hard fight yet. Even if you are absolutely terrible, you can be helpful for them to fight and train with. When I fight new people, I have time to think, work on specific combinations and techniques, and try out all kinds of stuff that will get me clobbered against experienced opponents. It is also great practice for my shield work. Newer people tend to throw the blows slower. I can "program" myself to block by fighting new people at a speed that I can anticipate the blow. Then when I fight someone very fast, my body responds automatically. Also, sometimes I find I don't really get something until I have to try and teach it to someone else. Really, they are getting something out of fighting with you.

Can you tell anyone about your problem that attends your practice? If so, tell them you are shy and ask them to help you set up bouts. If I were there and knew you wanted to fight but were reluctant to ask, I would take the initiative and ask you whenever I saw you. Then I would tell other people too. So then everybody would be asking you. After a while, I bet you wouldn't feel shy anymore.

If you are shy in person, but not on the internet, maybe you could email the other fighters, tell them you felt shy but really want to fight, and then tell them how much you are looking forward to fighting with them.

Jesmond · Posted: Wed Jun 17, 2009 12:24 am Post subject:

Also, sometimes I just put my armour on and walk out where we are fighting -- maybe on the lawn or onto the gym floor. Then I stand there like I am waiting to fight. Someone will come over and fight me. No conversation is even really required. But when they walk up I usually say something like, "It is good to see you" or "I'm glad you are here" or "I'm looking forward to fighting you" or even "Thanks for fighting with me today."

But generally if you put your stuff on and go stand in the fighting area, fighting will happen.

Isabella E · Posted: Wed Jun 17, 2009 12:31 am Post subject:

I'm gonna make a sign and hang it around my neck that says 'pick a fight with me I dare you!'.
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It's not the most powerful animal that survives. It's the most efficient. -Georges St-Pierre
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JanxAngel · Posted: Wed Jun 17, 2009 5:21 pm Post subject:

I guess my personal problem isn't shyness so much (anymore, YAY!) as embarrassment.

I still feel so slow, weak, and generally bad at fighting that I worry no one will think I'm worth their time. Or worse not think that I have a chance at getting better. I'm working on getting into better fighting shape, but it's slow going. Until then, everyone I practice heavy with can pretty much take me out at will...
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Onna-Bugeisha: A Long Road.

Adeliz · Club Member Joined: 23 Mar 2009 Posts: 52 : Items

Thanks for all the suggestions folks. It'll probably be a slow road, but I'll work on it... its just another thing to add to the list. Smile

Cunian · Posted: Wed Jun 17, 2009 7:09 pm Post subject: