thegirlsclub

[Aaron]

Hi,

My wife actually was heavy fighting before I was. I thought it was completely nuts and I wanted to be a fencer. But as her husband, I just felt odd having her take the field when I would not (note the line from Henry V)

[freiman the minstrel]

Hi Aaron,

Welcome.

I am going to let the women on this board reply to your question.

But for various admin reasons, it would be best if your wife had her own login name and password. It helps us to administer the board.

thanks
f

[Aelfwynn]

There are a couple of possibilities I can think of off the top of my head, although I'm sure there are others. Either way, though, maybe you should talk to her about what's going on?

Possibility 1: Maybe she's feeling pushed; she might be reacting to a subconscous feeling that you're pushing her to fight. I know that I get stubborn about doing things that I was interested (but not really really enthused about) when I feel pushed.

Possibility 2: She may feel that she has a limited time to spend on activities other than house/kids/etc., and have other priorities for that time. This:

[Aaron]

[Cunian]

Aaron - She might develop an interest after you get settled down in Maryland. There are several women fighters regularly at the College Park practice, and we keep meaning to come up now and then. (My daughter would love to have some other pokemon-loving kids to play with during practice.)

I know with me, I did not have any serious issues with doing this and being a woman pre-children, but I did have major issues with doing this and being a mother. Mothers are supposed to be nurturing, not whacking people with sticks. It was so bad that when I did fight in a tournament, I would tell the family to stay away and not watch. If I saw them, I'd get an oxytocin rush and be hopeless. I have stuck with it, at least on and off, and it does seem to be wearing off as I embrace my crone-hood. (Old ladies in my family are a scary lot.)

[Aaron]

[SuGyong]

I've had two. (My youngest just turned 2 yrs old)..

My huge problem was coming back after having been out... I wanted to be the same skill level I was before.

The longer she is out, the more convinced she will be that she'll be pummeled when she comes back because everyone will be expecting her to fight at the same level she did when she was out. You (or someone she trusts) could offer to do just some quiet low-key no pressure slow no power fighting in the back yard or something. NOT at a fight practice!

And really do it. Let her decide the speed/power levels for a bit.

(edited to add:)
And it's not a female thing, either. Any fighter who's been out for a bit is that nervous. Some get over it, some don't.

[robyn]

Well Aaron-

I am sorry to say this, but maybe you are a little too insisting. Maybe wanting to be helpful too much.
I know it would be frustrating if she didn´t fight anymore after all that energy that was put in it. But your wife needs to get her mind free to really go in herself and figure what she wants. She gets quite under some pressure if there is someone trying to push her. Especially finding a mentor for her right now- which means a secound person to push- might be a bad idea.
I think, you should just give up on her fighting for a while and see what happens. It might be that she gets her butt up on her own, to show she really wants to do it. Might be she paddles back a little and takes some more time out because she needs it. Or drops out of fighting for the reason of life forever.
I learned to know you Aaron and I found out in that few hours that you can be very insisting. This can be a good thing, but sometimes it can be a little too much.
If your wife shows up here on her own and wants to find a mentor- that is nice. This would proove she really wants one.

Sorry if I have been to hard or if I am wrong with my guessings. But think about it a while.

Warm greets
Robyn
_________________
I'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body.
-Elayne Boosler-

[Wrenn]

Take a peek at Toys r Us for some of those new foam swords- grab a couple a leave them around the house- they're fun, hard to get hurt with and are super light- which makes them great for doing slow work & re building technique...
Also: it is really hard to pack up kids and armour for practice... if you start taking your kids to practice, it'll become routine, making it easier for her to hop in too if she wants.

I stopped fighting for four years- nothing to do with kids... I'd gained some weight, started a new business and I just wasn't that into it. I put armour back on because I really wanted to fight in our principality's first coronet (it seemed like this big historical thing and I wanted to be on the lists, even if I'd be out in two) and somehow this time I fell into it and haven’t looked back.

I was so much more into learning, but physical strength was an issue- so instead of doing slow work with my sword and shield we made me a 1/4"thick shield, with no boss that I could hold up more comfortably and cut a piece of one by two the same length as my sword. I could really work on technique, and slowly build up strength, so I never felt crappy about "not even being able to hold up my shield" when I was doing slow/ pell work.

I guess my bottom line is not everyone wants to fight- or finds it fun -don't worry about what she's doing, worry about yourself and see if she comes back to it.

[Aaron]

[Aaron]

[Wrenn]

http://forums.swordforum.com/showthread.php?p=888931

Give you an idea- I think we bought ours at Wal Mart... about 2 months ago.

[Aelfwynn]

I'm not finding them on the toysrus website (the only foam sword I found was a pirates of the caribbean 2 one).

[Isabella E]

I am actually in the same boat, believe it or not. I've never been a natural housewife, but I do it because it benefits my family. However I have found that it presents it's own unique hurdles that people don't really think about. Most people think being a stay at home mom must be easy, that we have all this free time and don't have to worry about work or whatever. But at the same time it means mom's job lasts 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. There's no weekends or vacation time. There's not start time and stop time. I've been struggling lately with the feeling of being cloistered in and stuck in a rut. The more stuck I feel the more helpless I feel and that has been leading me to laziness. I feel out of shape and I haven't picked up a sword or a stick for over a year now. I'm at the point now where I really want to start fighting again but I am having to pull myself up by my bootstraps and get started. No matter how much encouragement someone offers, in the end the only person that can really motivate me to get out and do it is me. It's very frustrating.

[Doireann]

Hi Aaron

If your wife really wanted to fight right now, she probably just would. I'm going to share something that I haven't verbalized to anyone before, and it may or may not apply. I do hope it doesn't, but it bears thinking about:

I fenced for a few years, and did pretty good. (I could have done better if I'd gotten to practice more regularily ). I had taken time off because of heart issues, and when I wanted, and was able, to come back I was unable to deal with the fact that people who started after I left are now way better than me. And at least one of those people is really arrogant. I felt so humiliated that I didn't even try, I just stayed away. I guess, by changing to armored combat, I'm still staying away. I'm okay with that part, as long as I get my butt back onto the field one way or another.

Meanwhile, please be proud of her for deciding on her priorities at this time and following her heart. Priorities change, (and they can change back again!)

Doireann