Yasmin & Yaz Survivors

Joined: 09 Feb 2009 Posts: 113 : Items

I was a regular poster here in late 2008 and early 2009, while I was going through getting off of Yaz. I'm feeling much better these days, so I thought I might pop in and post my story, so others might get some encouragement from it.

This is a long read. It's also located on my website.
http://peacejewels.weebly.com/my-anxiety-experience.html
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It was a sunny day in September of 2008 when my period hit. And when I say "hit" I mean "hit like a ton of bricks." My intense and unrelenting cramps pushed me to the edge of tolerance levels and I responded as usual, by curling into a ball on the bed and doing my best to sleep. Cramps usually worked this way for me, starting 2 to 3 days prior to the first day of menstruation, and continuing for 2 to 3 days after. All in all, about a week of pain, nausea, headaches, and general bodily mayhem. It was on this particular day that I vowed not to suffer another month - to go to the doctor and get a different prescription. I'd already tried the strongest pain pills he would prescribe.

After my visit with the doc, I begin taking Yaz. I expected the worst, since prior oral contraceptives had just exchanged the pain for pure nausea. But much to my relief, there was no nausea. I was ecstatic! My period was going to finally be under control, I thought. Month one went by without incident. Month two, much the same. Month three was a little different but I chalked it up to extra stresses at home and work. I became extremely emotional over small things and obsessed and worried about many silly things. It was okay though - it didn't bother me that much.

The Christmas season came and unlike in previous years, I was ranting and raving about how annoying it was to have to cart us and all of our suitcases down to see my family. My husband noticed and thought it was odd, but didn't say much at the time. I ended up being sick on Christmas eve, and then again on New Year's eve. Then I got the flu, and it just kept lasting and lasting. After I'd not been able to eat and felt constantly nauseated for 2 weeks, I called the doctor. He ran some tests but nothing showed up, so we agreed to wait.

Another week went by.... still, I was unable to eat. Putting food to my lips caused my stomach to churn. I could choke down a few bites, and that was it. I was waking up several times a night, feeling odd... but eventually was able to fall back asleep. I had two panic attacks, which I'd never before experienced. My heart rate (normally around 70) was a steady 90. I was confused as to why this flu was hitting me so hard, since I'd never been so sick before. Then, I had a thought... the Yaz. Perhaps it had something to do with my unusually ill state. I researched the internet and found a forum full of women with bad Yaz and Yasmin reactions. They sounded much like me, and I decided to stop taking the pill. My last pill was on February 1, 2009.

I wasn't sure how long it would take to get the stuff out of my system, because all of the women's stories were different. Some noticed feeling better within days. Others, weeks or months. A couple claimed to have never fully recovered even though it had been a few years. Nobody really knows why some women react so negatively to Yaz and the only evidence I ever found of measurable difference was my estrogen level. An OBGYN ran an Estrogen Fractions test and found my Estradiol level to be so high, the testing facility thought they'd messed up the results! There was 4 times the amount of estrogen floating around in my body, than in a normal woman's body. What I went through for the next several months, as the hormones rebalanced and whatever else the Yaz did was repaired, would change the way I looked at everything.

During the week after I stopped taking Yaz, I didn't notice much. My "period" came and went without incident. But after that... the proverbial poo hit the fan. Everything I had already been experiencing seemed to intensify.

I went to sleep without much problem on Monday night. It had been a fairly uneventful day of reading, tending to my dogs, and doing small things around the house. After what seemed like moments, I was jolted awake. My eyelids popped open like I'd been zapped with a cow prod and I was staring at the clock. Two hours had passed and it felt like energy was coursing through my veins, even though my body was still tired. I rolled over and tried to sleep, to no avail, so after about a half hour, I got up. The dogs were perplexed by my wakefulness, and kept me company while I surfed the internet randomly. I expected to get sleepy... but it never happened. Each time I'd get close to sleep, something in my body would happen - almost like a zing of electricity, and I'd be perfectly awake again.

The next day I was tired, grumpy, and feeling like a zombie. Little did I know this would keep happening for the next many, many, nights into the future. I got a banana and tried to eat it. One bite... another.... stomach turning.... gave the rest to the dogs. I walked out to check the mail, and by the time I got to the end of my 60 foot driveway, I was gasping for breath. My heart pounded along at over 100 bpm and I felt a little lightheaded. I made another appointment with my doctor, who wasn't quite convinced it was the Yaz, but went along with me anyway. He put me on Xanax and sent me home.

That evening, I fixed dinner for my husband and myself. As I sat at the dinner table with him, I told him that I didn't want to lie to him, so I had to inform him that even though I appeared calm on the outside, inside my brain was a rushing tidal wave of thoughts, fears, and worries. My body was stiffened and the energy of terror trickled down every limb and into every nook and cranny of my existence. But I kept a straight face, because I knew there was no use in doing otherwise. The fear wasn't real - it was caused by some force inside me. Not an emotional force, but a biological one.

I found the Xanax to be pretty good at making me sleep. For a while anyway. Then it went back to the meager 2 to 4 hours I'd been getting before. I found that if I took it and waited about a half hour for it to kick in, I could eat a little more. Of course, the food didn't seem to digest for an extremely long time, however it did eventually. My mother worried incessantly and called almost as much. It was a nice distraction, talking to her. And she made me feel a little better about not being able to work. It was the first time I'd my working life, that I'd not been able to work for so long. I felt like a loser. I tried my hardest to work from home, but my concentration level was low and I couldn't seem to break the tasks into small enough pieces.

My Xanax ran out but my anxiety hadn't. So I called back and made another appointment. I was getting desperate to be able to sleep and eat. My days were mashing together into a clump of relentless fear and confusion. I had tried to go shopping but found myself too dizzy to walk for long. As I slowly wandered the aisles of the stores, my heart raced at around 160 BPM. I felt like an alien. I would later learn the terminology for this feeling - derealization. The best I can describe it is being in a place that's familiar, however you feel like everything is unfamiliar. As if you're not really seeing it, or maybe you're just not part of the whole experience. You are detached from your surroundings, no matter how familiar they should be.

My doctor, hesitant to keep me on a steady dose of xanax, placed me on the lowest dose of Celexa. Having been a fan of health guru's such as Gary Null and Mercola, I was extremely hesitant to take the prescription. I feared that I'd suddenly go crazy and kill myself. I remembered every detail from everything bad I'd ever heard about SSRI's. And besides, I maintained that I was not depressed. But I was desperate. I caved and took them. It didn't seem to do much, so I went up, then up again, and then onto its newer counterpart - Lexapro. I still wasn't sleeping and my heart rate held at a steady 110 even at rest, so my doctor gave me metoprolol and flexeril. I took them, too. They helped. I was seeing real differences. I could eat. I could sleep. I took walks with my dogs and I did more around the house. I didn't cry every single day. Finally, I bumped up to the next level of Lexapro. Things were really improving and I could almost feel the "old me" coming back.

Even though I still felt nervous most of the time, I also felt as though I was more able to separate myself from it. I practiced breathing exercises and yoga. The breathing exercises (chiefly the 4-7- Cool

were helpful in controlling my desire to bolt from situations in which I felt extreme fear. I would stop, begin breathing the exercise, and keep doing it until I forgot my anxiety and could get back to what I had been doing. The yoga was slightly helpful, but not as much as the breathing.

I started going to work again. At first, just a couple hours a day. My first day back was hell. As I sat my desk, my body shook and alternated between sweltering hot and sweaty cold. My brain felt as if it were divided between two things - one part was doing job-related work, and the other part was busy reassuring myself that I was perfectly safe and not in danger of going crazy. Having two use my brain for two things at once made my work slow and difficult. If there is one thing I definitely learned from anxiety, it is that you must break tasks into small pieces.

While in the throes of anxiety, I had little patience for frustration. Roadblocks would make me immediately want to toss a project aside. I found myself completely unable to concentrate on things that had only annoyed me a little, previously. I was frustrated with complex or time consuming tasks and avoided them at all costs. I felt exhausted just trying to make myself handle simple problems, while using part of my brain's energy to control the impulse to run screaming from the office. I hated myself and my inability to do my job effectively. I felt like a useless loser who would die alone and homeless. Guilt flooded me each moment I spent in the office because I knew I was not as productive as before.

It took me a while to figure out (and I'm still learning) but I began breaking things into tiny, tiny pieces. A step here. A jump there. A break in between. A walk with the dog. Another step on a project. Frustrated? Don't push - just wait a few minutes and try it again. Pushing only leads to tension. To work through anxiety, you must work WITH anxiety. It may interrupt you from time to time but you must not let it anger you. Anger breeds tension and tension worsens anxiety. The best advice I was ever given, was to try to flow with it... don't let it push you around, but don't push it back. Gently guide yourself back to the path when your mind wanders. It's not your fault that it is happening. Anxiety is beyond your reach of control. Trying to tell it to stop is as useless as trying to tell your heart not to beat.

At this point, a year and a half has passed since I stopped taking Yaz. I feel 99% like my old self. The other 1% is something that I attribute to having an extensive learning experience. I believe that once you've had such a lengthy period of ailment, you can't possibly be 100% the person you were before. And that's okay. It means I've learned something, and I've changed my viewpoints on some things. One might even refer to it as maturing a little more. I'm perfectly fine with who I am today, even if I'm not exactly the person I was in 2008. I have short spurts of occasional anxiety but I have learned so much about it, that I can effectively handle it. I've gained new friends and become a more well-rounded person. I support others, and I am open to their support for me. I've become more open minded about mental disorders and the strategies used to treat them. I've come to value every single day without intense, directionless, fear as a good day. Once you've felt constant terror for weeks on end, there isn't much in life that seems truly scary anymore! Except centipedes. Those are always scary Smile

Joined: 14 Jun 2010 Posts: 200 : Location: UK Items

Christina, Thank you SO much for posting. You're experiences are very similar to my own but mine were while I was ON yasmin and was put down to stress at work (which I was under at the time) but I'd never reacted to stress that way before and I was like it ALL the time. Also the sleep thing. I've been there and its a nightmare.
Thank God that I am feeling better now I am off the Yasmin.

Its good to hear you are 99% your old self - gives us all hope.
Smile

Joined: 27 Apr 2007 Posts: 658 : Items

Hello Chris!

Glad you drop by - and good to hear you have recovered!
I do remember the days when we are trying to look for answers Very Happy

Do keep in touch...

Leni

Joined: 09 Feb 2009 Posts: 113 : Items

Hey Leni

nice to see you still around. We should chat on msn sometime. I hope you are feeling better too!

Posted: Fri Aug 06, 2010 3:14 pm

Hello Chris,

So nice of you to share your story and it is wonderful to hear that you are feeling good. I agree with you - that we can never go back to who we were before, and for me that was a LONG time ago - no matter what, I would have been a different person today than I was 11 years prior to taking birth control with or without the pill. I think most women here will realize that there is more to life than to just waking up in the morning and go about your business... I am actually thankful for every day I feel good now. It is a treasure to have this kind of experience at a fairly young age - however not something I wish on anyone, but we have to do what we can with what we have - right?!

I wish there was more we could do though - I wish we could make a stronger impact on the rest of the world, I wish our painful messages would reach the people that could actually make the difference for all of these women out there who today will receive their first prescription of yaz or yasmin (and feel happy about it) not knowing what a hell their life could turn into in just a few months...

I have one question for you - how long did you stay on the drugs you were prescribed?

Stay well and please stop by every now and then.

xoxox
~Helena

Joined: 09 Feb 2009 Posts: 113 : Items

Hi Helena,

I love your positive attitude about this being an experience we should treasure. Even though it is very difficult to handle, if we take the time to work through it, it does provide us with so much more insight.

As far as the meds I was on (my memory's a little foggy but I'll do my best to recall)...
-Xanax, steady for two months, then only at night for the next 2-3 months, and then I weaned completely off of it over the course of a month or so.
-Flexeril, only at night, everynight for a couple months.
-Metoprolol, am and pm for about 3 months
-Celexa / Lexapro, one a day (increasing dosages from 5 to 20mg) for about 14 months. Then decreased dosages by half per month, and now completely off. No problems weaning, at all.

I was scared to death at first of being on all those meds. But I have a good doctor who I've known for years, so I had to throw my fears out the window and try to let him do his job. He listened to me and respected my requests, and encouraged me to wean off the medicines as soon as he thought I was ready. He also filed an adverse drug reaction report with the FDA, about my experience on Yaz.

I'm so blessed, and so grateful to have made it beyond what Yaz did to me. I am happy to help others achieve the same. Smile